MAKE YOURSELF A MIRACLE

By Pattie Sadler

Because of the pain I felt from losing my children and my sanity, I fell into a series of sad events that seemed to continue endlessly.

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I guess sometimes it is good to just get raw and real and start from the beginning. My story is one of bravery and conquering over that which should have killed me. I am my own miracle. And I know it. I do not take this for granted, and realize the divine intervention that saved my life. 

It’s not like I grew up in a hard household and had an abundance of negative influence in my life, quite the contrary.  My parents have always been the most amazing example to me in my life.  They have loved me unconditionally the entire time and I know it has been very difficult for them.  I did not lead the most pristine life and I am no angel to speak of.  However, there are angelic qualities that I most definitely feel that I possess.  

My life as a child was a good one. I was given every opportunity to succeed and to become a valuable part of society. Yet, due to some bad choices and very bad relationships, I went down another road.  

Upon marrying my first husband, I learned some very hard lessons. I was exposed to drugs, pornography, alcohol, and divorce.  After making it through all this, I took an even harder road. The relationships that I chose after this marriage were more and more devastating as I struggled through this thing called life. 

I learned about physical and mental abuse, drug addiction, poverty, and pain. There was nothing I had not lost.  There was nothing that I could keep. There was literally no solace in the pain.  Because of the pain I felt from losing my children and my sanity, I fell into a series of sad events that seemed to continue endlessly.  

Twenty-two years went by as I claimed the crazy and painful and survived barely with no conception of the insanity ever ending.  I had prayed for several years for deliverance from the pain. The abuse, the loss, and empty feelings for not having my children would not escape me and I could see no end to it.  Seven years after the hard praying began there were miraculous events that made it possible for my escape.  I was able to go far away and take a whole new path.  Deliverance was divine and I will never deny it.  

I was adopted as a baby in 1967.  Back then files were sealed and there was no information as to my true identity. For many years in my youth, I had a curiosity about where I had come from even though I had the best family ever. I believe it is an innate desire to know such things.  

When I was about 24 years old, I went on adoption.com and created a profile.  This seemed to lead to absolutely nowhere but it was worth the effort.   Throughout my life, as I never could seem to find any answers, I finally gave up on the search. 

At the time I was in an extremely toxic relationship. I had been in love with the man for a lifetime. I had known him in my youth and we were supposed to be soul mates. Who is to say what could have been? Either way, it would make no difference. Drugs consumed our marriage and the abuse that I endured throughout the 17 years that we were together continued to get worse and worse until it became a regular occurrence. 

I ran, he ran, we fought, we made up, we laughed we cried, we fought.

There was no escape as the co-dependence grew into a long-lasting painful experience.  We both kept getting in trouble for our drug habits and it was like a yoyo. Back and forth we each took our turns battling the addiction, the abuse, and the pain we both were feeling.  

Many years later I made a call to my mother. She told me to sit down, grab a pencil and paper, and write down some information. I thought it odd, but I did as she told me. She explained to me that a woman had called who she believed could be my biological mother. She told me that it was my decision to do whatever I chose with this information. 

I pondered this for a few days and finally decided to call her. She was naturally delighted and I was somewhat excited.

After a DNA test, we found that she is my natural mother 99.999%.  It was an interesting evolution of events after that time.  She came to visit, I went to California to visit her, and I got to meet two amazing brothers I didn't know I had.

To say the least, it was enlightening.  

During this period of time some 22 years after all the pain had begun, we had had several conversations. I really had no future where I happened to be at the time.  I would have to cut all associations in order to get clean from that awful and dreadful drug called methamphetamine.  here was no escape unless I could leave and have a fresh start, and we determined that if I could join her in California, I might have that chance.  I remember the day I chose to take that step. It was frightening to a degree, but much less frightening than the plight I was in that was never-ending.  I called my father and asked for a one-way train ticket to California. 

I didn’t know it would be the best decision I ever made in my entire life.  

Since that time I have managed to stay clean for 6 years.  I have consistently held a job and advanced my career on a regular basis.  I have served my community in the women’s facilities to give hope that there is a rainbow at the end of the storm.  I have been given the blessing to facilitate programs for friends and families of addicts and serve in many capacities.  I have married my eternal companion, reunited with my children, become a grandmother and I haven’t looked back.  

You see, I believe that each and every one of us has the unique and divine DNA to be a miracle.  God created us and in each one of us, he created one.  I would propose that our hard and painful experiences can be the gateway to the great blessings of serving others by giving hope that all is not lost.  Once we decide that we can take a challenge to start from scratch and go back to our beginnings, we have the power to create just about anything our little hearts can imagine. 

Changing habits and lifestyles are big decisions. 

I found that by breaking away the concrete I had built around me bit by bit, I was able to see myself again from who I had once been. 

I missed that girl and I could see her coming back.  

Needless to say, the family feels blessed for my recovery and there is hope to the family and friends of the addict. 

Never give up and never let go. Always pray for those you love and encourage them to realize their worth. Even when they can’t see it, you can remind them and it will come.  Realize this. YOU are divine and you are amazing. 

Things may seem impossible. Life may seem frightening and destitute, but look for one shining flicker of hope and grab it.  Pray for deliverance.  Miracles do happen.  Once you have determined that you never want to look back, seize the moment, and take on your new life by changing everything. Changing your acquaintances can make all the difference in the world. 

Choose to surround yourself with those who will uplift you, those whom you wish to be like, and those who desire your success.  Set aside your fears and take a plunge with excitement to take on your life, and never forget to give back. You will see your life become a real miracle. 

I promise.